Article by Jennifer Chen-Su Huang
Goo Goo Guide
November
It’s been nearly two months since I left the States, and I wonder how I’ve changed. It seems my Mandarin has not improved -- I am still a stumbling fool, but I forget, I am that way in English too.
I came here to study the formation of identity through craft, but rather than forging an identity I think I’m losing whatever sense of self I thought I had. Here in Taiwan, I feel somewhat disconnected to who I was back home. I realize I find safety and belonging in routine, but here, with no set schedule, I am free to do whatever I want, to be whomever I want. I find that liberation terrifying. Yet I know this is what I’ve always dreamed of -- to go about my days in search of what I want, without worry about money. Maybe this is the time to also admit that I miss the US. The news coming across the ocean is devastating -- natural and/or man-made disasters, policies enacted by horrendous men in power. Still, being here I feel more American that I have ever felt. Growing up, it was always made clear by the other children on the playground that I was not American, but everyday in another country, I feel my non-belonging even more still -- my inability to read the signs, my constant concern that I am not using the proper words to address my teachers, my elders. I feel my American-ness. And I miss the crisp fall weather. I miss the changing colors of the leaves. This island is a lush greenhouse. The air is always moist and the plants are happy, lively, and green. It is a sight to behold -- the mountains blooming, blooming. And I delight in the flora and fauna that my eyes are beholding for the very first time, but at home alone, I dream of the oranging leaves and the yellowing grass. |
"...being here I feel more American that I have ever felt. Growing up, it was always made clear by the other children on the playground that I was not American, but everyday in another country, I feel my non-belonging even more still -- my inability to read the signs, my constant concern that I am not using the proper words to address my teachers, my elders. I feel my American-ness."
Speaking of the experience of beholding color, I am reading Chromophobia by David Batchelor, who writes of color as being indescribable; our words are unable to talk about the experience of it. In the face of overwhelming color, we lose our words. He writes:
Silence. The silence that colour may provoke is a mark of its power and autonomy. Silence is how we have to voice our respect for that which moves us beyond language. Silence is spoken by the body, through our gestures and postures. The body is one of the means by which we express ourselves when we run out of words. Colour spreads flows bleeds stains floods soaks seeps merges. It does not segment or subdivide. Colour is fluid. - Chromophobia, David Batchelor, pp. 83-86. Maybe this is what goo goo is all about. I am not interested in illustrating existing words. I want to tug on a thread that unravels something that refuses to be contained within our words. This thread attaches to some potential beyond our grasp. And I trust my body; it is better at communicating than this language uttered through my mouth. With my hands, I create objects and pictures that speak to this goo goo better than my words can. The Atayal have a spiritual concept of gaga; it is an animistic belief system with a set of religious rituals that promotes their belief in ancestral spirits and traditional moral values. Gaga includes the customs and ethics that are passed down from generation to generation. |
"Maybe this is what goo goo is all about. I am not interested in illustrating existing words. I want to tug on a thread that unravels something that refuses to be contained within our words. This thread attaches to some potential beyond our grasp. And I trust my body; it is better at communicating than this language uttered through my mouth. "
"“Ah-yo! Tah jah keh-len. Heh beh ah-nah tan-si?” (Romanized Taiwanese for How sad! How do you make money with that?)."
In the mean time, click bellow to read past Goo Goo articles by Jennifer Chen-Su Huang!